Halloween has never really been a big thing for me. From a young age, my mum told me it was a very 'American' holiday. She didn't believe in trick or treating, insisting that it wasn't safe outside (which in all fairness, seeing as we lived in Essex, was probably very true).
But in the last few years I've realised just how much I missed out on. The fancy dress, the endless bags of sweets, the pumpkin carving...
When we were younger, I don't remember ever carving pumpkins. We had a ceramic one in our house which lived on top of the kitchen cupboards and came down on the morning of Halloween, and that was that. We put a candle in it, and that was Halloween. Ta-da.
As I've grown older I've tried to embrace it as best I can. Granted, that now consists of going out wearing very little, covered in blood, and drinking a lot, but I'd much rather do that than watch Halloween-related films.
I'm probably the easiest person to scare I know. Horror films are only possible if there's a light on, no one within several feet of me to make me jump, several pillows around my face, and a Disney film ready to play afterwards. And the hallway to the toilet has to have a light on, and all doors have to be open so I know no one is there.
And I have to sleep with the light on that night dontjudgeme.
I mean, how do you know all of this stuff doesn't actually exist? What if there's a serial killer on the loose? What if I get attacked on the way to the toilet by a poltergeist?! What if?!
On my drive home from work at 6pm I could already see groups of children walking from house to house in their fancy dress costumes, beaming at their little bags of sweets and practicing their best roars between houses in case the mean old lady who answered the door had nothing to give them. My mum used to give away 1ps and 2ps when she had no sweets. 'Are these chocolate coins?', they'd ask their parents as they walked away from the house, confused. 'I don't think so dear, come on, let's try the next house..'
So last night before I went out (dressed in my most imaginative Halloween outfit to date - a cat) I wanted to embrace the Halloween spirit and buy a pumpkin. I wanted to carve my very first jack-o-lantern.
When I got to Tesco they were all out of pumpkins. Three crates that came up to my waist were empty, with a little hand-written note from the staff saying 'sorry, no more :('. I lapped the store twice checking in case someone had changed their mind and left it in the exact location where they decided that actually, they didn't want it (come on, we've all done it. That packet of biscuits you put down next to the pasta, the penguin bars you left next to the orange squash, the second tin of sweetcorn you left next to bread). But there were no pumpkins anywhere. I couldn't just give up now. It was Halloween, and I wanted to carve something. I wandered around the fruit and vegetable aisle for something I could use instead... A... melon? No....A potato? Or how about...
A pineapple.
It took about 10 minutes to carve. Far easier than a pumpkin (I'm guessing?) but also a lot.. well... wetter. My carpet is now splattered with pineapple juice and I'm pretty sure my hamster Pippin got a spraying in the face. Sorry Pippin.
But I can now eat the inside of the pineapple for lunch (what the hell do you do with all that leftover pumpkin?), and in my opinion, it looks far more terrifying than a regular pumpkin.
I left it facing Pippin's cage for the night. Happy Halloween Pippin!
Why I both love and hate Halloween
15:37
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