The 20 stages of going to the Hairdressers.

It's that time again. You've been avoiding it for weeks, possibly months, but you can't avoid it any longer. Your fringe is so long it looks like one massive eyebrow, and you've got so many split ends that your split ends have started getting split ends. There's no other option. You need to go to the hairdressers.

1. You start searching online for a decent hairdressers to go to, and suddenly remember why you never go to the hairdressers. "HOW much just for a cut?"
2. You scan their list to see what you want. Do you really need a blow dry? Is it really worth an extra £18? 
3. You make an appointment, arrive at the hairdressers and immediately feel guilty for walking in with greasy, scraped back hair. STOP JUDGING ME.
4. The hairdressers assistant (16 years old, lots of make up, very snotty attitude, probably called Charmaine) leads you over to wash your hair.  No matter if the water is burning your face, you say it's fine. 
5. The head massage. The best part of the whole experience. If you don't get a head massage, you feel conned and want to complain about the lack of massage. Isn't that what you learn on day one of hairdressing school?
6. The hairdressers assistant starts combing your wet hair down in front of your face. You apologise for all the knots, assuring her that your hair 'really isn't normally this bad?'
7. She tries to part your hair and gets the parting all wrong. No, it's a little bit more to the left. No, that's too much. A bit less. A bit more. No back the other way. Oh just let me do it forgodsake.
8. The real hairdresser waltzes over, leaving a woman who's head is now covered in foils. Charmaine goes back to the reception desk and starts filing her nails. Then the hairdresser asks the dreaded question: 'So, what can I do for you today?'
9. "Oh erm...Well I want a cut, but not too short. Please don't cut it short. But, well... enough to get rid of the 'bad bits', so as much as it needs really. And cut the layers too please, but not too much. I'm growing it." You can feel it. She's judging you. You're one of 'those' clients. 
10. The hairdresser looks at you. "It appears your hair is.... well, it's different lengths at the back? Have you...have you been trying to cut it yourself?" Oh God, she knows. Well it was late at night, and your hair was really winding you up, and you had some scissors, and thought it didn't really look that hard to do, and does it really matter because you can't see the back of your hair anyway.... 
11. She starts cutting and asking about if you're going on holiday this year. It's all going fine until....Wait, that feels more than an inch. Why is she cutting off more than an inch? You specifically said not short.
12. She gets round to the front and asks how you want it done. Shaping round the face? Layers? A fringe? "Well, I don't really have a fringe as such, I had a side fringe thing, but not really a fringe." If she wasn't judging you before, she's definitely judging you now. 
13. The mirror from behind. The one time you get to see what your hair looks like from the back. Even if you don't like it, just nod. 
14. Oh yes, you forgot they stole your coat and stowed it away in the basement the second you walked in.
15. Time to pay. Don't wince, remember you only pay this once every 6 months. What? Would I like to book an appointment for 6 weeks time? Ha. No no, I think I'll pass...
16. Should you leave a tip? Oh rats, you only have two 10ps and a 2p. Well that'll look more insulting than leaving nothing. And what about Charmaine, are you meant to leave her something too? The head massage wasn't even that good...
17. Leave the 22p and run.
18. Get home and look in the mirror.. Your hair is exactly the same. You vow to never go to that hairdressers again, ever.
19. You put your hair in a ponytail just to 'see how it looks when it's up'.
20. None of your friends notice. Hat time.